M. M.: Frau Hillary, vielen Dank, dass Sie sich für dieses Interview Zeit genommen haben!

Hillary Clinton: I don’t speak German.

M. M.: Crap! I was hoping you’d buy my book later.

Hillary Clinton: Is it in German?

M. M.: Yes, but there are many English words in it. I could highlight them for you if you like.

Hillary Clinton: Maybe. We’ll see …

M. M.: “Great! Ten dollars, please.”

Hillary Clinton: Can we start the interview now?

M. M.: Right. So what’s it like being the first female president Clinton?

Hillary Clinton: I’m not president, Mike.

M. M.: Really? I’m so sorry. What happened?

Hillary Clinton: The elections won’t be held until next year.

M.M.: I see. But then you will be president, right?

Hillary Clinton: I certainly hope so but we have to wait and see how the voters will decide.

M.M.: Well, let me tell you something, Frau Hillary, Germany is ready for you! Everybody will vote for you. Especially the women will vote for you. They are ecstatic! And the metrosexual men, too. Plenty of those in Germany. There’s no doubt in my mind that you will win.

Hillary Clinton: But you do understand that I’m not really running in Ger-

M.M.: What will be your very first act as president of Germany? Execute Merkel? You know, people are talking. There’s a rumor that in reality she’s not a woman at all but ex-chancellor Kohl with an ugly hairpiece.

Hillary Clinton: Now, that’s silly!

M.M.: Personally I don’t see the resemblance, either.

Hillary Clinton: No, and I don’t plan on executing anybody. Listen -

M.M.: But you will execute Bush, won‘t you? He needs to be hanged. Do to him what he did to that guy in Iraq, uhm, what’s his name, Ossama bin Laden. No, Barack Hussein Obama.

Hillary Clinton: Saddam Hussein …

M.M.: That’s the one! So hang Bush right in front of the Reichstag. How does that sound?

Hillary Clinton: Absurd!

M.M.: A preemptive strike on his ranch in Texas? That way we wouldn‘t have to wage a war against the Great Satan.

Hillary Clinton: Are you calling the United States of America the Great Satan?

M.M.: You bet! Have you been there lately? That place is a mess!

Hillary Clinton: I’m not quite sure where this interview is going.

M.M.: Neither am I. I have lots of questions!

Hillary Clinton: I’m glad to hear that. Let’s please change the subject. I‘m feeling a little uncomfortable.

M.M.: Okidoki. Are you planning on taking control over beer breweries in Germany?

Hillary Clinton: No.

M.M.: Bratwurst factories?

Hillary Clinton: Has not yet crossed my mind.

M.M.: Will you ban cars and trucks from driving on the Autobahn?

Hillary Clinton: Why would I want to do that?

M.M.: To join Al Gore’s fight against global warming. He’s on a moral crusade, you know. Global warming is practically happening all over the world. Even globally! And in Germany, too.

Hillary Clinton: That is in fact true. But Al is doing such a fantastic job. I can focus on other important issues.

M.M.: Such as?

Hillary Clinton: We have over 40 million people without healthcare because they simply can’t afford it.

M.M.: Excuse me, that is not possible. Everybody has healthcare in Germany. Kohly Merkel is paying for it.

Hillary Clinton: I’m talking about Americans, Mike.

M.M.: Call me ignorant but I don’t think there are 40 million uninsured Americans living in Germany.

Hillary Clinton: In America!

M.M.: So what are you saying? You want our tiny country to pay for the Great Satan’s medical bills? And you expect people to vote for you?

Hillary Clinton: I’ll just continue talking. Maybe your readers out there are a little more sagacious than you.

M.M.: What does sagacious mean? And please don’t talk bad about our readers!

Hillary Clinton: Never mind. What I was trying to say: We have so many big corporations making huge profits while the little guy is struggling. Take Exxon Mobile, for example. Their profit is tens of billions of dollars every year. I would like to take those profits and create an efficient healthcare system for the American people.

M.M.: Brilliant! We would destroy the Bush-Regime from within. And it wouldn‘t cost us a penny.

Hillary Clinton: Well Bush won’t be around anymore when I become president, so I’m not too worried about him.

M.M.: True. He‘ll be dangling from a tree near the Reichstag.

Hillary Clinton: But his cowboy mentality certainly is the cause for so much misery in the world. Just look at what’s happening in Iraq. I will have a lot of cleaning up to, that’s for sure.

M.M.: How are you going to solve the problem over there? Do you think Germany will be able to drive the American troops out of Iraq without the support of Great Britain and France? Or should we wait first until Iran has finished building the bomb and then attack as a team?

Hillary Clinton: Sitting through an interview with you requires the willing suspension of disbelief.

M.M.: Thank you, what a sweet thing to say! Your husband Bill was here with us last year and he had a great time also. Do we have time for a quick bathroom break?

Hillary Clinton: I’m afraid not. I have to leave for an important meeting right this second.

M.M.: Very well. Thank you for the interview, Frau Hillary. We wish you all the best for next year’s elections. Germany is counting on you! And please tell Bill and Monica hello from all of us here at Gegenstimme!

Dieser Beitrag wurde von Michael Meyn am Mittwoch, 24. Oktober 2007 um 02:58 Uhr veröffentlicht und unter Mike Meynstream's Interviews abgelegt. | Sie können ihn per E-Mail versenden und ausdrucken. | Schreiben Sie einen Kommentar oder richten Sie einen Trackback auf Ihrer Website ein.