M.M.: You guys are back! I can’t tell you how excited I am to have both of you sitting right here in front of me!

Clinton: I am delighted to be back, Mike!

Obama: And so am I. Some things will never change.

M.M.: Senator Clinton, I was pleased to see that you made it here safe and sound.

Clinton: It wasn’t easy, I can tell you that much. Sniper fire everywhere! After the plane had landed we were forced to run - heads down - towards the vehicles. Thanks to my 35 years of experience I got here in one piece.

Obama: Oh please, not that story again!

Clinton: It’s true!

Obama: Riiiight, just like that cute little anecdote about your mom naming you after Sir Edmund Hillary who became famous five years after you were born.

Clinton: True story!

Obama: I’ll never forget the day you told the press that your daughter Chelsea barely escaped a tragedy while jogging around the World Trade Center on 9/11. In reality she was at home, finding out about the attack through a friend.

Clinton: Well, I made a mistake. I’m only human, which seems to be a revelation to some people.

Obama: What kind of name is Chelsea anyway? Sounds like a race horse. ‘Coming around the bend: Number Five, Chelsea …’

Clinton: Barack, I will not engage in this kind of rhetoric with you.

Obama: Fine with me. It’s always best when liars stay silent.

Clinton: Interesting, coming from a racist …

Obama: I am not a racist!

Clinton: Of course you are!

Obama: No, I’m not. My pastor is.

Clinton: Only a racist would associate with someone who claims that AIDS was invented by America to kill black people.

Obama: That quote was taken out of context.

Clinton: Was it? I’d be ashamed if that man were my spiritual leader.

Obama: And I’d be ashamed if I were married to Bill. That slimy, dirty womanizer! Dips his private parts into every female within a two mile radius. Except for you. When was the last time he dipped into you?

Clinton: Excuse me?! In order for me to talk at your level I would have to dig a deep hole.

Obama: Maybe. But the fact remains that you would be a nobody without your husband. A nobody! The only reason you’ve stayed with that adulterer was to advance your career. What a sad life you must lead.

Clinton: And I find it curious that some inexperienced colored man who has been accused of dealing cocaine in his past has the audacity of hoping he might become president one day.

Obama: I never sold cocaine to anybody. I snorted it. Wait a minute! Did you just call me a colored man?

Clinton: Yes.

Obama: You can’t say that. That’s racist, woman!

Clinton: And you can’t call me woman. That’s sexist!

Obama: But you are a woman.

Clinton: That’s right, but it’s forbidden to cross that line. Can’t ride the sexist wave, negro.

Obama: Why? Are you gonna cry again? Playing the vulnerable and helpless victim of the brutal world ruled by men?

Clinton: Don’t be ridiculous! Men can’t make me cry.

Obama: Sexist!

Clinton: Hussein!

Obama: Oh, here we go again. Stirring up islamophobic sentiments. In case you didn’t know: I’m a Christian.

Clinton: That’s right. A Christian going to a church with a racist pastor, who calls our country The United K-K-K of America. Nice touch, Barack! Why don’t you just drop out of the race and let me do what I was born to do?

Obama: You think I’m crazy? I’m leading in the popular vote and I have way more delegates than you.

Clinton: True, but I will get the votes of the superdelegates.

Obama: What makes you so sure?

Clinton: I’ll have them killed if they don’t vote for me. They wouldn’t be the first people dying around me under mysterious circumstances. But seriously, we should combine our forces and campaign as the perfect duo. President and VP. With me on top, of course. What do you think?

Obama: You sexist racist! Never!

Clinton: You might regret it. I will not extend this offer to you again.

Obama: Don’t be naïve! America doesn’t want you.

Clinton: Really? And why is that?

Obama: Cause America is Probama! Isn’t that true, Mike? Hey, wake up! Mike?